Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

Today, I forgot my weed on the kitchen counter before leaving for school. My parents surprised me by coming home a day early from their vacation. My mom had mistaken it for parsley, and it is now on top of my pasta.

marty2300 skrev:

Today, I forgot my weed on the kitchen counter before leaving for school. My parents surprised me by coming home a day early from their vacation. My mom had mistaken it for parsley, and it is now on top of my pasta.

FML skrev:Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

Odysseus skrev:Og vi kan hermed konkludere at Karl Æg er en passionate masturbator

Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on msn when her roommate answered «Sorry, this is not Marie, she is at her boyfriend’s ». I've looked everywhere in my flat, I can’t find her. FML

Today, I baby sat a four-year old kid, because his parents went partying. Once in bed, he yells "I want to go party!!". After 3 or 4 times, I told him to go to sleep. 2 hours later, wet bed. "Told you I want to go potty!!" FML

Today, I went to bed at 2 in the morning. At 6 the telephone rang waking me up. It was a wrong number. FML

Today, I was driving and I saw was a dog running onto the road, I slammed on the brakes to a completely stop. Multiple cars crashed into the back of my car. It turns out it wasn't a dog, it was just newspaper blown by the wind. FML

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

Today, I was going on a plane to Chicago. My passport picture is 6 years old, and back then I was a beautiful model. Now, I gave birth to a child and gained 50 lbs. When I showed my passport to the airport atendents, I got arrested for stealing someones passport. FML

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

Nick_91 skrev:

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

HAHA

TheFatboy skrev:

Nick_91 skrev:

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

HAHA

Nick_91 skrev:

TheFatboy skrev:

Nick_91 skrev:

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

HAHA

Hvordan fanden kan man være 12 dage bagud?

TheFatboy skrev:

Nick_91 skrev:

TheFatboy skrev:

Nick_91 skrev:

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

HAHA

Hvordan fanden kan man være 12 dage bagud?

Tror bare han prøvede at rette op på en ellers uoprettelig skade

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

Today, I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was more important. I ate alone. FML

Today, the girl I love and I went to visit my parents out of state for the first time. My father grinned and acknowledged that she was a "keeper", at which she laughed and said we were "just friends". I was going to propose to her next week. FML

Nick_91 skrev:

Today, the girl I love and I went to visit my parents out of state for the first time. My father grinned and acknowledged that she was a "keeper", at which she laughed and said we were "just friends". I was going to propose to her next week. FML

You just got PUNK'D

Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML

Malke skrev:

Nick_91 skrev:You just got PUNK'D